Overwhelm: The Distress Response
Overwhelm: The Mini Series - Part 3
Sometimes, no matter how much we try to trim away, we find our to-do still seems to stretch into infinity. And what if we’re just too tired to handle it?
That was me, a few weeks ago, when I decided to write a mini-series on overwhelm.
You can check out the intro here, where I get into the challenge I was dealing with and how experimenting helped, Part 1 here, about physical ways to turn on the right parts your nervous system to help you out of overwhelm, and Part 2 here, on practical steps to reduce an overwhelming to-do list.
At the start of this series, I’d been struggling to write my Messy Human post for the week. Resistance had a hold on me for a while. But then I decided to explore further. I took a moment to get quiet and feel my way through. And once I asked myself the question “what is going on for me?” it hit: I’d been feeling overwhelmed. Hence the mini-series.
I started by tackling the physical aspects of overwhelm and how it can make us tired in our bodies. Then I addressed the practical aspects of shrinking the big old to-do list.
But there’s another piece to this puzzle and it has a lot to do with our mindset about how well we can handle the over-much-ness. That’s what we’ll unpack today.
The Cognitive Load of Stress and Anxiety
Resistance is often attributed to fear of failure. It may also be about present bias, if you ask an economist; after all, why do something now if it won’t pay off till later? But there’s another, less discussed reason for resistance and it’s far more insidious.
When we feel overwhelmed, it can create resistance by amplifying the cognitive load on our brain and literally overloading our system to the point that it breaks.
Situations that lead to heightened stress can cause the brain to resist adding anything extra, like new tasks and activities. Meanwhile, the perception of overwhelm alone can seem so stressful it triggers this brain resistance to more, like a short-circuit that prevents us from moving forward with the very tasks that might reduce our overload.
Further, emotions that stem from overwhelm, like anxiety, can create more resistance. Avoidance is a common and well-known maladaptive coping strategy for anxiety, as the brain mistakenly avoids the thing we must do, thinking it will help avoid more anxiety.
Unfortunately, avoidance doesn’t work. It merely serves to ratchet our anxiety higher. The only way to truly get past the feeling of anxiety is to face whatever is causing it and deal with it in practical terms, accepting the consequences as they are. But instead, if we resist, we extend and amplify our dealings with anxiety.
When there’s a lot going on and situations get overwhelming, we may naturally add the feelings of stress and anxiety to our burden, and then our very real brain capacity limitations (max cognitive load) can create blocks to action.
Yet there is a secret about stress. Our stress response does not have to create extra cognitive load in our brain. We can adjust it so it its different.
Eustress and Distress: The Jekyll and Hyde of Our Stress Response
When we experience a stressor, our fight or flight system gets triggered earlier than our thinking brain can come online, which means that it’s our emotional brain deciding to turn on our biological stress response. Only after the fight-or-flight gets going does our thinking brain come up with an explanation.
So how much of this can we control?
Science suggests we may be able to control more than we think. There are two well-documented types of stress responses: eustress and distress. One is the upside of stress, the other the downside, and the same circumstances can incite both, depending on our perceptions.
Eustress, often called “good stress,” is the positive stress that arises from challenges we deem manageable and even invigorating. When we see ourselves as capable of handling the challenge, It can have constructive and motivating effects. When we are engaged in tasks that are challenging but which we do not see as beyond us, it can stimulate creativity and improve performance.
Eustress can arise from various situations, such as taking on a big project, pursuing personal goals, or engaging in exciting new activities. While eustress activates the body's stress response, it is typically short-term and is associated with feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and increased focus. It can enhance performance, promote personal growth, and contribute to a sense of accomplishment.
On the other hand, distress is the villain in this story. It’s the negative stress triggered by situations that we see as overwhelming, that we believe surpass our ability to cope, and which may even be out of our control. Distress can be caused by a wide range of factors, including chronic work-related pressures, financial difficulties, relationship problems, health issues, or traumatic events.
Unlike eustress, which is short-term and can enhance performance and motivation in bursts, distress tends to impair functioning and may lead to long-term symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and physical health problems.
Luckily, we can trigger eustress on purpose.
When an overwhelming situation arises, we may begin to enter a state of distress as our fight-or-flight triggers, but once our thinking brain comes online, we can deliberately look for ways to make the situation something manageable and positive.
“Everything is figure-out-able” is a common way of describing this approach. And everything genuinely is.
It may not be the case that we can do anything about the initial problem: if you have a sick kid, you can’t cross that off your to-do list. But it is the case that we can reframe the problem and directly address whatever is within our control, like our schedule or level of support services, as well as how we think and feel about making those adjustments.
In my case, writing The Messy Human posts are certainly within my control, so a fresh approach to shifting from distress to eustress worked well here, helping me cut through the overwhelm and resistance and get back into action… though with a surprise twist.
Making the Gentle Shift from Distress to Eustress
In order make the leap from feeling that we cannot cope to feeling energized and ready to engage, here are five things to try:
Consider How This Challenge Will Create Growth: When we view a situation as an opportunity for growth, learning, and achievement, something we can overcome with a little effort, it is more likely to induce eustress. When we trust that we’ve got this, we can celebrate what we’ll learn from it. And on the flip side, when we focus first on what we stand to learn and how we may grow, it can help us shift into self-trust.
Say aloud or write down something you’ll gain from doing or addressing the hard things ahead.
For me, writing the Messy Human posts always offer a chance to learn more about myself. It’s not just another task on the to-do list, it’s a personal growth booster that always leaves me feeling better than it found me. Remembering this gave me the motivation to turn my attention to how I might get it done.
Find Your Curiosity: Eustress is often associated with activities or situations that we find interesting, engaging, or personally meaningful, values aligned, and fulfilling.
List out some things you could discover from this experience. What might be tantalizing?
For me, as soon as I began asking myself what was really going on for me in my resistance, I found fresh energy to research the topic. There’s a lot of interesting information out there about how overwhelm works in our mind and body, and what to do about it, and I was suddenly super curious! The sense that I was too fatigued to work on this project fluttered away.
Set Clear Goals and Expectations: When we have a sense of purpose and direction, it provides motivation and focus. Well-defined objectives can turn a potentially stressful situation into a positive challenge, promoting a mindset of accomplishment.
Write down what you’re up to in clear terms and be sure to keep the scope to the minimum viable plan: I’m going to accomplish ___, by ___(date). I will learn ___(skills, insights, etc) from this challenge, and I will know I’m done when ___(what good enough looks like).
For me, once I started researching resistance, it wasn’t long before I declared that I’d write about busting through it. And as soon as I did that, all my resistance went away! I declared: I’m going to write a mini-series about overwhelm during February. I will learn new ways to cope with my own overwhelm from this challenge, and I will know I’m done when I have written about most of the key themes I identify in my research, let’s say 3 posts.
Seek Support: Knowing that there is help available and having people to share the experience with can turn what might be a distressing situation into one that is more manageable and even enjoyable.
Who might be going through something similar? Could you ask them to be your accountabilibuddy? Who might have gone through something similar in the past? Could they be your coach or mentor?
I didn’t do this for the Messy Human, because in the end I didn’t need to. The first three steps got me back to action. But I do have some writer friends to commiserate with when I can’t get there myself.
Accept What You Cannot Change and Act on What You Can: Is there a part of the situation that’s causing your overwhelm, which you do not want to have to deal with but cannot actually change? You’ll reduce your cognitive load if you can find a way to face the reality for what it is. Accept it and move on to finding a solution, one which addresses the facts and works within real parameters. If you don’t avoid what you cannot change, and you don’t beat yourself up over handling this reality and its consequences (even if they are less than desirable), you’ll roll through the situation with a lot more ease.
What can’t be changed about the situation you’re handling? What would it look like to create an action plan based on that fact never changing? What would you need to do to work around it? Even if you wish you didn’t have to deal with this, you do, so can you cut yourself some slack?
In my case, I eventually had to realize I was at least a little overwhelmed this past month because I had gotten sick, my brain was foggy, and my body was depleted. I didn’t slow down at first, which only made things worse. I wound up being sick and feeling low for most of February. So while I was able to cut through overwhelm about writing The Messy Human using the eustress triggers above, I also found I had to be slower at producing them than usual. I had to accept that a few sick days were necessary. And then work within those parameters, no shame.
Overwhelm, Busted: The Quick Recap
This is the last part of my mini-series on Overwhelm. To recap ways I’ve discovered to shift out of overwhelm and get back to doing more of what really matters, here are 4 key questions:
Could this be a time for a breathing or shaking exercise to stimulate the nervous system and shift the physical energy in your body so you feel less exhausted and more clear minded and invigorated?
Can you reduce your task list using the delete, delay, diminish, delegate model, thereby taking practical action to shrink your to-do list and its overwhelm?
Can you establish guidelines for prioritizing your work in line with your needs and values so you know what to do next with less anxiety and cognitive load?
Can you trigger eustress and shift the situation from draining to energizing? Explore the upside:
Is there a growth opportunity in meeting this challenge?
Are you curious about the situation or what might come out of it, like lessons. or unexpected insights or shifts?
Do you have a crisp goal to rally around? Will you know when you’re “done?”
Who might support you, either practically or emotionally speaking?
Can you accept what can’t be changed about this situation and make an action plan based on that reality, without regret, guilt, or shame?
You’ve got this! May this action plan for overwhelm help you move forward with more joy and less exhaustion.
xo
Marisol