You should do it all, right? You must, in order to prove you’re enough, when enough really means excellent, and excellent really means accomplishing phenomenal things.
Welcome to the overachievers club. And welcome to overwhelm.
Overwhelm comes in multiple flavors, like:
General life overwhelm, when there’s so much happening, so many feelings, and so much out of your control that you feel you can barely keep up.
Project overwhelm, in which you have an unwieldy project that can’t seem to be brought to order and feels impossible to plan out in any reasonable way that might lead to completion.
Task or to-do list overwhelm, when you’ve written down everything under the sun you need to do, but now you don’t know how to ever get it all done… or even start.
Perfection overwhelm, where you can’t seem to get something exactly perfect and you start to feel overwhelmed about what it might take to ever complete it.
And the list goes on.
Thinking we need to deal with so many overwhelming things is a bit of a rat trap. All kinds of things seem to sit squarely on our shoulders, but are they really all our responsibility?
Lots of things we think we need to do might not really be ours to take on. Effort only matters when it pulls you in the right direction, and we often allow our efforts to be squandered on the wrong things.
Thinking we need to do more is often enough to create the very overwhelm that can stop us in our tracks, as our brains frizzle and frazzle over the sheer volume of shoulds, coulds, and maybes. Remember what cognitive overload does to the mind and body? Not good.
Only Do What Matters
Anyone who’s delved into the world of project management or team management has probably heard the framework: Delegate, Delay, Diminish, Delete.
These steps can reduce our workload, practically speaking. It’s pretty self explanatory, so I’ll do a quick run down, then we’ll get into to some mindset questions to help you apply this framework.
Delegate: Might anyone besides you have the ability to do a thing? If so, you can pass it off to them. As a leader or manager, parent or partner, high performer or business owner, and beyond, it’s easy to think you need to do everything yourself, or to think you need to do more than is actually necessary. But even management tasks, whether it’s having your tween kids research vacation ideas or asking a team member to write a project plan, can be delegated. You can then create a check-point to review, coach, and improve without having to do the whole thing yourself.
Delay: I’ve noticed that I put a lot on my to-do list that really doesn’t need to be done any time soon, so why is it staring me in the face right now? See if you can create some time-bound to-do lists, like “next month” or “next quarter” and stick tasks on the lists where they belong. You can also consider creating a calendar to list every month of the year, even for several years coming up, and stick tasks as far out as they need to be based on your deadlines (or requirements). Then set a schedule to check back in with this calendar.
Diminish: Lots of very smart people overcomplicate things. It goes with the territory. So be aware of this possibility, and look for a less complicated version of the task you think you need to do. Can you make the scope smaller, the deliverable less complex, or figure out an even more minimum viable product? If you need to make dinner and clean up in a hurry, find a one-pot dinner to make— not a salad, rice, veggie, and meat plan that takes all the pots in your kitchen and twenty-five ingredients.
Delete: Some stuff, we don’t need to do at all. Always be on the lookout for things that are “nice to haves” that have snuck onto your list. Do they directly support your big picture life goals, your values, your quarterly plans, or something that’s otherwise deemed essential? Or could they be cut without any impact to those arenas at all? (Be aware that things designed to re-energize you and create a healthy life are not “nice to haves.” They fuel you, so keep them on the list, don’t delete.)
The Mindset of Reduction
Be aware of how your mindset influences your choices about what to keep on your plate and in your life, instead of letting someone else handle it, or allowing it to slide till later, or shrinking the size and perfection of what you expect yourself to do, or even letting go of it completely.
Most high achieving people have a tendency to add more. Researchers have found that this adding tendency is hard-wired into the way our brains work, as a result of our evolution and survival skills. So don’t beat yourself up over it. Especially since we’re in an era where sheer physical survival isn’t the top priority for a lot of people, and there’s frequently too much. Even people who can’t afford a lot wind up with too many cheap items clogging their closets, or cheap and abundant but unhealthy foods overflowing the cabinet space. We need a way to shift out of the auto-pilot of more and into a mindful model of selecting what is within our area of responsibility.
Be careful what your mindset and belief systems tell you when attempting to delegate, delay, diminish or delete things from your area of responsibility. Don’t let go of things that matter, or keep things that don’t, just because of faulty thinking.
For instance, I once saw a sign on someone’s desk at work that depicted the four quadrants of the “urgent-important” framework.
First he listed things that were “urgent and important,” like deadline oriented work, taxes, and presentations.
Next he listed “urgent, but not important” stuff, like emails, interruptions, other people’s priorities, and short term issues.
Then he listed “important, but not urgent” things, like strategic planning, skill development, and relationship building.
Finally, the kicker came: what did he consider “neither urgent, nor important”? As you might expect, he listed non-essential meetings, internet surfing, and office gossip… but he also listed FUN in this quadrant!
I was horrified to discover he had decided fun was neither important nor urgent.
Neurological studies have shown it’s important for all humans, even adults, to play, have fun, and be spontaneous. It helps us with problem solving, creativity, relationship development, healthy emotional release, and stress reduction. It improves our mental and physical health and boosts our energy and motivation. It helps us achieve more over time. So yes, fun is necessary to your life!
With that in mind, be aware of how your beliefs, mindset and values may be affecting what you allow yourself to keep in your scope and sights. Whether you have life-level overwhelm or simply too many tasks to fit in one day, what really falls on your shoulders?
Mindful Questions to Cut Overwhelm
As you explore what to let go of from your life, or your area of responsibility, or your project plan, or simply your to-do list, here are some questions that might help you consider new ways to view what belongs on your plate:
Why do you feel you need to handle this (task, situation, event, etc) yourself? What is it about holding onto it that benefits you? Ego? Power? Perfectionism? What would you lose by letting someone else do it? What would you gain?
Is it realistic for anyone else to handle this (task, situation, event, etc) even half as well as you? Could half as good be good enough?
Is this (task, situation, event, etc) really in your control or are you allowing something that you have no real control over to overwhelm you? What would happen if you simply allowed what will come to come, and what will be to be?
How could this (task, situation, event, etc) get broken down into smaller steps and components? Could you delete any of those steps and components, even if the whole task can’t be? What about delegating or delaying them?
Is there a way to turn this (task, situation, event, etc) or any of its components into an experiment for someone else to address, that you can then help with or provide coaching on once they’ve taken a stab at it?
Is it worth paying someone to handle this (task, situation, event, etc)? What else could you do with the time or energy?
Is this (task, situation, event, etc) in your area of skill, or your core gifts for the world? If not, is it worth your time and effort?
What do you value the most? What do you want to be remembered for? Does completing this (task, situation, event, etc) align with those things, or are you allowing yourself to be pulled off course?
Re-tell yourself your own story. Write out how you got here and why you embarked on this (task, situation, event, etc) in the first place. Note what’s at the core of your reasons why. How much do they matter to you? Does your current action (or in-action) still support your reasons why?
For whom are you doing each (task, situation, event, etc)? If not yourself, is it a friend or family member, a customer or client? What is their essential need or core value? Can you cut back on anything you might do or add that they wouldn’t care about? Think about the value they get from this, and focus on creating exactly that. Don’t do meaningless extras. It’ll take you less effort and make them just as happy.
What delivers the result you need? What is extra? Can you cut those embellishments? Think minimum viable product, a la The Lean Startup.
Lastly, Get Started by Breaking It Down
Sometimes we can cut way back and still feel overwhelmed.
This is frequently the case when we don’t have a way to create a clear project plan; there’s too much uncertainty or change for that. Writing a novel is like this. So are business development and sales. So don’t always think you need a tight project plan, wasting time on precision when you don’t really know how something will play out. That can send the act of project planning itself straight into the realm of overwhelming.
Instead, find the next smallest action to take. Focus first on taking only that one action and no more. It can get us moving and out of the resistance of overwhelm when nothing else has worked.
Sometimes it helps to systematize this approach by breaking out our efforts over time, like working on a specific project for just fifteen minutes every morning. Instead of trying to break down the task into its parts, we can recognize that accumulated time spent will also add up.
Hopefully this helps address some of the practical challenges related to cutting through overwhelm.
Up Next:
Next I’ll explore the mental aspects of reducing overwhelm by shifting out of a distress response into a eustress, or “good stress” response.
xo
Marisol