A Gentle Shift out of Stress

A practice of 10 gentle nudges to find release

Stress can hijack you.

I woke up with a tight coil of unpleasant energy in my chest, an inability to breathe deep, and a desperate need to DO. To move. To clean the house. To start my work before I’d even showered. To get something—anything—done.

In my head there was a sense nothing was right, and wouldn’t be, till I addressed the thing behind the stress. A slow embrace became like torture while I fought the urge to get into action.

Stress is the sort of feeling that can be used for good or evil.

And that day it wanted to be evil.

Studies show a certain amount of stress can help you get things done: focus during an exam, stay on point during an interview, guide your team through a challenging moment. A bit of adrenaline and cortisol amplify your determination and capacity, boosting alertness, memory, and performance. But too much of it, and stress can take over.

Knowing this, could I not simply access the positive side of stress?

No. There was something blocking me. Some shadow that needed to be explored before I could pull back the curtain and let the light in.

This was the time for a Gentle Shift out of stress.

Tender little things

What is A Gentle Shift?

A Gentle Shift does not force change. It creates space for change.

It does not power through with life, ignoring the problem. It slows to explore.

A Gentle Shift is a kinder way to move through difficult feelings. It helps you develop new skills, attitudes, actions or reactions, but in the most self-honoring, patient way.

Opening to the Possibility of a Shift

Facing the need for a Gentle Shift, I turned towards the potential for understanding the black thing in my mind. I wondered if perhaps, with just a little curiosity, I could shed enough light in there to banish the shadow and get back to life. Opening to such possibility is a helpful step in bouncing back, according to research.

And I hoped for release.

Sitting on the foot of my bed, I noticed something of my darkness.

“I’m stressed about getting things done today,” I told my boyfriend, referring to my long list, chock full of marketing tasks I don’t particularly like to do, which all take far longer than I’d ever have guessed. I took a sip of coffee and sighed. “I think I’m going to need to deal with my head before I can get to work.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Something is telling me everything I’m working on is wrong. That I have no business working on the things on my list either because they’re taking time away from the ‘right’ things, or simply because I’m not ready.”

He grinned at me like I was cute. The day before, we’d been talking about the challenge of running your own business—of putting yourself out there and the ways it brings up the sinking feeling that you might not be “there yet,” or skilled enough, or qualified, or, or, or…

He referenced the conversation and offered encouragement. But my stress-addled brain could only half listen.

Then I heard the words, “we’re always improving.”

Like a familiar old sweater, the growth-mindset concept nestled around me, sending warm relief down my arms and tight shoulders. I didn’t have to be perfect yet - or ever. I’d always be growing and improving.

Still, despite the encouragement, something in my mind was shifting unpleasantly and holding tension, just out of sight.

Get Quiet, Breathe, and Check In

I needed to explore further. It was time to hold space for change. I decided to spend ten minutes journaling, letting words flow to see what came up.

I went to sit at the kitchen table and found stillness. I closed my eyes and let myself breathe for a minute, sinking into my experience. My mind wandered. Thoughts flooded in.

After a minute, I opened my eyes and began to write.

Digging Deeper into my own story

I’ve leaned into growth mindset many times before. It created more ease after each promotion I’ve had at work. It’s a reason I’ve felt okay changing careers several times. It’s why I learned to surf at 38 and trained for my first 200 mile bike ride at 34. It’s a reason I love travel.

And these days, my current path marks another new direction: writing, self employment, and building my own business. I’m a beginner again.

Being a beginner can feel great: the awe of newness refreshes the familiar, bringing patience with set backs and joy to incorporating feedback into practice.

But I realized there was something bothering me about being a beginner this time.

Questioning My Truth

Why was being a newbie again feeling painful?

I wrote more, letting things flow out of me without editing, and bumped into a noteworthy thought.

Living in growth mode as often as I’d done, had tricked me into seeing myself as a permanent beginner! I was experiencing one of the downsides to learning new things so frequently.

I’d forgotten the value of my existing experiences and skills. The gifts I already offer. And the fact we can’t actually stay beginners due to the inevitability of growth.

This was what I needed to shift.

New Perspectives

Now I saw where the malaise was hiding, I could banish it.

Everyone has plenty of angles on our own truth, and there’s more than eight billion of us. That’s a lot of truths.

It was time to pick a new viewpoint. But what? What ideas or facts did I have at my disposal to help shift my perspective?

As I explored this question, I found myself gathering up memories of past experiences, successes, compliments from others, and moments of joyful giving, feeling as if I was a crow gathering shiny, pretty things.

I remembered that in reality, I am far from a beginner. I have done many things over the years. I can do a lot. I know a lot. I have a lot to give.

Finding Lightness

Soon my pile of shine reflected enough light into the dark corners of self-doubt in my mind to chase off my little thought gremlin.

I pictured her scuttling into the darkest corner of the attic of my brain to take a nap and leave me alone.

The idea made me smile.

I decided my little gremlin was short and cute, with green skin, spindly legs, orange pigtails and big, grumpy eyes. She needed a rest.

Releasing Myself & Stepping Into the Light

I put my pen down and looked out the window. The sun was radiant. The whole day stretched ahead.

Suddenly I knew it would be a good day. Challenging, but good. My chest unfurled and my head felt lighter.

The good side of stress made its appearance. I got to work with focus, speed, and efficiency.

My Gentle Shift has done its job. And the extra few minutes I spent doing this exercise paid off in time saved throughout my day.

How Gentle Shifting Can Work For You

If you too find yourself in need of a Gentle Shift, try these ten little nudges to find release:

1. Open to the possibility of a shift

2. Get quiet - turn off the outside stimulus for a moment. Step into the bathroom or the porch or just sit down somewhere you can be still.

3. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and breathe in for four counts, then out for four counts. Do it again. Maybe two more times.

4. Check in - what are you feeling right now, physically? Now name it: what’s the emotional component? Stress? Anxiety? Frustration? Disappointment?

5. Dig deeper. As your breathing slows and your head clears, explore further. What thoughts are making your feelings so costly today? What else is lurking in your mind? Is there a dark story you’re telling yourself that might be making this harder than it needs to be? Are you self-judging, or measuring with a faulty ruler?

6. Question your truth. What is a fact? What is the story you’ve added on top of the facts? What is driving the difference?

7. Change your perspective. Come up with some counter arguments against the limiting story. What else could explain the facts at hand?

8. Lighten up. Often limiting stories are a little absurd when considered outside your own head. If Amy Schumer, Jim Gaffigan, or some other comedian happened to be telling your story in a stand-up act, is there any chance it might be funny because it’s so ridiculous? Picture it and see if you wind up giggling.

9. Release yourself. Know that feelings don’t last forever. They’re not facts. They are fallible. They’re valid to experience, but they can mislead. Instead of showcasing a limiting fixed fact about you or your situation, they signal a need for some kind of change, be it internal, external, or both.

10. Step into the light. Can you shift to a new story, a new thought, and a new feeling? Try taking the leap. You can still have a good day, despite the feeling you started with.

Here’s to gentle shifting!

Love,

Marisol