Reflections Guide: Write An Acceptance Affirmation
A kind and gentle process that can change your brain for the better
It can be very hard to accept the stuff that comes up in life. And yet we must.
This month I’ve been considering ways to accept exactly where I am. I don’t always approve of my choices or my state of mind or my feelings or my behavior. I don’t always like whatever I’m forced to deal with when random events shove themselves in my face. I cause myself untold distress by being so harsh about it all.
This reflection guide is going to look at ways to write an affirmation that can help with this need for acceptance.
I didn’t always think affirmations were useful. They seemed kind of “woo-woo” to me. However, a psychologist pointed out that affirmations do have a brain function. Because they are powerful statements, made up of words with meaning that we find comforting, supportive, empowering, and/or uplifting, they tap into both your conscious and your unconscious brain in ways that can be healing. They lead to intellectual as well as emotional stimulation that builds new, helpful neural connections.
Well that sounded pretty good to me, let me tell you. I liked the idea of retraining my brain to support me better. I decided to try it.
So a few years ago, I spent about six months writing daily affirmations with a friend. We’d text each other our self-affirmation for the day, and sometimes an intention to go along with it. This practice was helpful for both of us, holding us accountable to our own need to continually reframe the way we saw ourselves and the world. It helped me through some pretty challenging days during the pandemic, a corporate restructuring, a huge issue with a team member, and more.
When I went through a big break-up mid-way through my six-months of affirmations with my friend, I wrote myself a single, powerful affirmation about what I deserved in my life, which I hand-wrote in big letters on a note card and read to myself every night before bed and every morning when I woke up. It shifted me out of despair over my loss and into hope for a brighter future.
Right now, I’m going to challenge you to apply the art of affirmations to something you’re having a hard time accepting.
Acceptance is the first step in reducing your own suffering. It is the first step in letting go of hard feelings. It is the first step towards creating useful changes in your life that honor the truth of where you are and what you need. So let’s get comfortable accepting what is, in this moment, by creating an affirmation about acceptance.
Creating your acceptance affirmation:
Consider something you are not accepting right now.
For myself, I’m going to focus on the feeling of being sad and isolated, and the dark state of mind it’s led to. I’ve been harshly judging myself for feeling this way, which is leading me to be unwilling to talk about these feelings with friends in my life, which is leading to further feelings of isolation and the reality of not spending as much time with friends.
For yourself, consider if you’re not accepting a feeling, a state of mind, a choice, a behavior, or a situation that forced itself upon you.
Imagine how it would feel if you were completely okay with whatever it is. What would it be like to let go of the desire to push it way? What would you feel if you stopped judging it and allowed it to be? Write these emotions down.
For myself, I would feel a sense of relief, as well as the sense that I was caring for myself more. It would be freeing, and would lighten my load. I could relax and maybe have the courage to talk to a friend about it without fear of their judgement.
Now consider what you need to hear to give yourself that feeling. What would help you to remove judgement, to create and hold space for what is, to allow it to simply be what it is?
For me, it’s helpful to have a reminder that hard feelings like being sad and isolated are universal and that we all experience them from time to time.
It’s also good for me to register that these feelings aren’t going to be with me forever, they’re just feelings and feelings are temporary.
I also must address the fear that I might be experiencing some “high-functioning depression.” If I am, I have knowledge and resources to help me address it. It’s not the end of the world.
As I consider what I need to allow, I also notice that there’s a situation at play that I also need to accept. I’ve experienced some broken trust with friends in the last few months. This has been hard for me. I continue to wish it were not so. A good deal of my feelings of isolation are coming from fears that I can’t trust people. Yet by continuing to wish the situation was different, I’m not allowing it to be what it is. So instead of seeing it for its facts (a couple of people caused a series of problems within a specific group), I’m actually making it much bigger than it is, more of a fear cloud about the entire world of humans. But I have to consider, can I simply allow that situation to be no more and no less than what it was?
Let’s write this into an affirmation that is accepting and kind towards yourself and what you have not wanted to accept. Make sure to also affirm your ability to open to a shift that is grounded in acceptance, and to feel the good things you wrote down in step two.
Here’s mine: I am allowed to feel how I feel. It is okay to feel sad about the situation that happened. It’s okay to feel angry about it. I am experiencing a universal, human type of challenge, and it doesn’t mean anything bad or permanent about me. While I cannot change what happened, and I can only go forward, I have the capacity to do so. I am never stuck, I am always able to shift, grow, and find freedom within. I have the ability to lighten up. I am someone who can let go of hard feelings when I need to. I am able to be hurt and yet to still have joy again. I will find relief about this, my fears will recede, and I will have the courage to reach out to my friends again. I deserve to trust all those around me because I deserve to trust my own ability to handle what comes. I can and I will.
Write some or all of this down on a note card in big letters (whatever felt most impactful for you), and read it to yourself every night and every morning until you really believe it.
Or, record it into your phone to play back to yourself at those times.
Or make a few sticky notes and hang around where you need them as you go about your day.
I hope that this affirmation process is useful for you. If you want to share anything you’ve learned, or maybe even share your affirmation itself, add it to the comments for this post! They are just for the paid subscriber community.
Thank you, as always, for your support.
All the best,
Marisol