From a gray life in London to seaside peace
A story of growing past the achievement checklist to find a truer purpose
Welcome to the first guest post at The Messy Human! I’ve decided to bring in other searchers, learners, transformers, thinkers and recovering overachievers to share their stories, perspectives, lessons, and ideas. I want to amplify our community and help demonstrate the beauty of a life lived messy— learning, growing, and doing, on whatever terms make sense for each of you.
In Nicaragua, Sarah led a career coaching session for our nomad group, which I still remember dearly, making her one of the first people I thought of reaching out to when I began my list of possible guest writers for The Messy Human.
Her story of personal transformation is impactful. Here are her words:
Are You Stuck?
We’re heavily conditioned into thinking there’s one set template or version of a ‘successful’ life, which goes something like; get an education, get a job, get a better job, get a house, get a partner, make tiny humans together…
Because we’re moving through this process, often we never stop to consider whether this is actually what we want or whether we're just doing it because we thought we had to. And everyone else is doing it.
Just four years ago, I was living according to this template.
I was working as Head of Digital Design for a Publisher in London. Technically a great job. But something was missing.
Every day felt the same. I started to resent the lack of control I had over my schedule. I felt constantly stressed and tired, which led to a lot of drinks plans and socializing as a release. But it just exhausted me more. I even struggled to find a connection with anyone when I was dating because I didn’t really know who I was, let alone who I might want to be with.
I wanted more than that from life.
I wanted to decide how I spent my days and what time I woke up.
I wanted to go to the yoga classes that were at 11:30am (I always wondered who could go to those…).
I wanted meaning and purpose.
My Surprise Inspiration
It was when I was having this very existential crisis, that my best friend, who had a similar job, quit and moved to Tenerife for six months.
Just like that!
I’d be video calling her from a phone booth at work while she was often on a beach, post-hike about to go for a sea swim with some friends.
I suddenly felt trapped.
Trapped in the phone booth.
Trapped in my 9 - 5 schedule.
Trapped in the job.
Trapped in this path.
“How did this happen?” I thought. “She's out there teaching yoga, having most days out in nature exploring, and I'm here in this same office, working full days and exhausted during my time off.”
I wanted what she was having.
So, I booked my flights and went to visit her in Tenerife at the co-working-co-living space, to experience it first hand. While there, I saw not just her, but a whole community of people working for themselves, working remotely and adjusting their schedules around their lifestyle.
A typical day looked like:
yoga on the roof
breakfast together outside
couple hours of work or meetings
hike in the mountains for the afternoon
group bbq together in the evening
It was wonderful and wholesome and all on a normal Monday.
It was the first time I’d witnessed people making work a secondary priority. The work was the punctuation, not the main story.
It was beautiful.
I thought quietly, “This is how we’re meant to live. This is what I’ve been longing for.”
Seeing these nomads jump out of the “normal” set-up and create their own template for a happy life made me realize I could do that too.
I just had to figure out how.
I felt so inspired that I decided to quit my job.
But I still had no idea how to work for myself or how to rebuild my life in a different way. I knew I needed support, so I found a Life Coach to help me figure out what kind of future I wanted to create for myself.
Life coaching & my own growth
My Life Coach helped me realize that the things ‘holding me back’ were actually limiting beliefs (beliefs that limit us to keep us in our comfort zone and aren’t based on fact).
One day I was sharing fears that I wasn’t good enough as a designer to become a freelancer. I also felt I wasn’t organized enough to be my own boss. But then she said, “Those are just thoughts.”
Suddenly it was like my eyes had been opened. It saw I could decide to be organized. I could decide to be good at what I did. After that I started questioning my own beliefs more regularly.
The mindset shifts and confidence that I built up during those coaching sessions completely changed me as a person and the path I'd laid out for my future. I soon became a successful design freelancer. The work of building my business felt so much easier with my renewed confidence and mindset.
This was just the beginning.
My journey offering coaching & hypno
I’d always had a passion for psychology and the mind, and working with a Life Coach completely rekindled that for me. It was so impactful, I decided I wanted to be that support for others too. So, I trained in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (the language of the mind), Life Coaching and Hypnotherapy.
I felt like my soul was on fire! In a good way…
I loved it so much, I devoured the courses. The power of the mind completely fascinated me.
Now I take on clients of my own, and I love using these tools and being that support for them to go out and do the hard things they want to do but didn’t think they could.
I started out offering a program to coach people through the transition of being in full-time roles and helping them figure out what they wanted to do instead, then supporting them through the transition to being self-employed.
I’d always do a Hypnotherapy session at the end of this program. The results showed me how powerful the subconscious mind is. Coaching is great for conscious belief change, but Hypnotherapy changes the mind at an identity and subconscious belief level, so now I use a mixture of both.
For example, one client wanted to set up her own design agency, but was in a full-time role and didn’t have the confidence or the foggiest idea about how to make that leap.
With a combination of Coaching and Hypnotherapy, I used a mix of techniques to support her including:
VISUALISATION - I guided her through exercises to visualize her life as if she had already achieved her goal, so she could imagine how it felt to already be doing what she loves. This allows the subconscious to start taking action as if it had already happened.
MINDSET WORK - We tackled her existing belief “I don’t have enough experience,” and shifted her focus to the idea that every design agency started somewhere. We changed her belief to ‘I’m talented and have lots of industry experience’ instead.
PRACTICAL ACCOUNTABILITY - Together we set goals, checking in each session about whether she did what she said she would do to move towards the bigger picture vision, e.g. did she reach out to that person in the industry she said she was going to for advice? If not, why not? There might be a limiting belief there - back to mindset work or visualization.
This combo creates powerful results.
Soon she was thinking like someone that owned a design agency and picturing her life as if it had already happened, which led her to take action from that level of confidence and mindset. When she faltered, I was there to keep her on track. Soon she had the new career she wanted, working for herself. She created the freedom to move out of London to another country.
These days, people come to me for everything from changing careers, building confidence, weathering periods of transition, seeking a healthier lifestyle, or a longing to change their whole life without knowing where to start. It’s such a joy to be a part of these transformations.
Redesigning my own life
At the start of this new career path, I was also creating and building my dream life, based on my own template for happiness and success.
That looked like:
Living in Bristol for a year for a change of scenery
Paying for co-working spaces there to network and build connections (something I never would’ve had the confidence or money mindset to do before)
Meeting my now partner Leon, the first person I’d had a connection with in five years
Deciding to go traveling with Leon about a month after meeting him…
Working remotely with Leon for 7 months, from Lisbon to Costa Rica, and from Nicaragua (where I met Marisol!) to Mexico
Putting down roots by the sea
After traveling for 7 months, offering Coaching & Hypnotherapy online, I felt I had fed the travel bug that was starved by the claustrophobia of Covid. I now had a new need to be grounded. I wanted a home.
I wanted a sense of community and a slower pace of life. Somewhere to plant roots. A place that was beautiful, calming and meaningful to me. Plus, Leon also loves to surf so that helped to narrow things down a bit…
We decided to start a new chapter in Newquay Cornwall, a beautiful seaside town in Southwestern England.
We rent a lovely little flat right next to the beach. There I offer coaching and hypnotherapy, both online and in-person, from my at-home Zen studio sanctuary. When I’m hosting sessions, I feel a sparkly aliveness that reminds me I’m meant to be doing this. I love working with and supporting people, it feels so nourishing to see them leave feeling a little bit lighter and brighter every time as they discover anything is possible for them.
When I’m not hosting sessions, I go to a beautiful co-working space, with amazing sea views and the most aligned people I’ve ever met.
Picture sandy bare feet, salty wet hair and constant debates about whether to go to the beach before or after that important meeting.
It’s so simple, but it feels like the most special, luxurious life to me.
Looking back at that version of me feeling trapped in the phone booth, I can’t believe how much my life has changed.
I’m passionate about continuing to experiment, learn and grow in both my personal and professional life. This is where my fulfillment comes from now, rather than chasing promotions or a mortgage.
Learning to surf is definitely next on my priority list. Along with continuing to develop my coaching & hypnotherapy skills. Right now I’m training in Reiki to see whether I’d like to add that modality to my practice in the future.
My pillars of success and happiness are now: connection, freedom and creativity. I use these to guide my decisions, which helps me feel so fulfilled in the knowledge that I’m working towards my own milestones and life plan.
I’m still figuring a lot of things out, like how to blend my two careers. I get really different types of satisfaction from the design versus the coaching & hypnotherapy. But I love the balance and freedom my life has now and I prioritize my health and wellness above all. When I feel good, I can do good.
Now you know my story, you’ll probably understand why I'm now so passionate about changing the narrative around what a happy life should look like. Your life plan and milestones can be whatever you want them to be.
-Sarah
If you want to learn more about working with Sarah you can find her online at her website, www.sarahjanecavill.com, where you can even book a free 30 minute consultation.
She’s also on Instagram @ sarah.jane.cavill
When we decided she’d be my first guest post, she also offered to share a Hypnotherapy session with me, focused on a shaking loose a limiting belief I’ve been harboring. We did that last week and it was a really cool experience. I’ll write about what it was like in my own post next week. (Hint, it was nothing like what I thought “hypnosis” was all about.) Check back for more!
-Marisol