Monthly Reflections: Find Your Shifts
What lessons can you take with you from the hard moments and the good?
Looking back at January, if I ask you for a strong memory, what’s the first moment that comes to mind? Here’s mine:
There’s snow in the city on my first day in town, the dirty brown slush underfoot making for wet walking. Near black sprays of cold muck rush away from tires and it’s smart to keep back from the curb, lest you get wet. Huge white flakes float onto everything, dampening my coat and making polkadots on black parkas all around me.
After a couple of stops, the subway breaks down due to some electrical problem, and the rest of the line is shut down all the way to my destination. Hundreds upon hundreds of us are sent to the surface to wait for shuttle buses that never seem to come. Eventually, after the snow has begun to pile on my shoulders, I sigh, loudly. Both women next to me in line immediately burst with peals of laughter. Mirth is, really, the only appropriate response for this moment.
“It’s my first day here,” I say, laughing with them.
“Welcome to winter in the city,” one says, shaking her head.
Winter’s not my favorite season. But I have invested in a long down coat and earmuffs, and do you know what? The coat makes the cold bearable in ways that my younger, poorer self could only dream of, and the earmuffs make the season a lot more fun. Plus, climate change has made this whole winter thing a lot warmer, which means that in the selfish short term, it’s a bit more bearable, despite the obvious big picture problems.
After a little chatting with the women beside me in line for the shuttle bus, I discovered that one of the women had been headed to the same station I had been.
“You know, I have to catch an Amtrak out of town,” she said. “It’s getting to be the time that I need to get an Uber if I’m still going to be able to catch my train. You can hop in if you want.”
I did.
Along the drive, we talked about her PhD in poetry and about my recent move. Then we shifted into discussing a big popular course she is TA’ing in the literature department, which focuses on pop music lyrics. I didn’t go to a big school, so when she said there are 250 kids in the class, which means a lot of TA’s are needed, my jaw dropped. I brought up my own college and how much smaller our classes were, and how I always forget the way big schools work.
“Wait, you went there?” she asked, when I told her where I’d gone to school. “I went there too.”
Our eyes locked, like we were suddenly wondering if we recognized each other. Both of us laughed, mouths in wide grins. In fact, for the rest of the ride, periodically one of us would burst out laughing again, head shaking.
Suddenly, the world seemed small and good, and the day’s trajectory changed from a hassle to a happy thing. As we compared notes: class years, teachers, and memories, we laughed some more.
This Month’s Reflecting
Reflect back on your memorable moments of January. What do you see? What moments? What emotions (both high and low)? What gentle shifts?
Focus in on a particularly strong memory or two. Let’s consider what we can learn from it.
Did you experience something hard? Did you find a gentle shift out… or not? What happened? Why do you think things shifted? Or didn’t? What can you learn from this?
My January brought a big life change, and many little moments, like the one above, where things were challenging (in ways large and small), when gentle shifts were needed. Frequently, they came about in surprising ways. So much was new.
What would you like to repeat from these moments? What would you like to leave behind?
One thing I was struck by was how kind so many strangers were this last month. I was also blessed with many old friends to reconnect with in my new city, some of whom I hadn’t seen in nearly two decades. Visitors from home added a nice layer of coziness to a new place.
Taking note of how important connections were this month, is a good thing to bring with me into February, a month when love and relationships are top of mind for many in the western world, as Valentine’s day approaches.
Even though most of the commercial stuff coming in February is dedicated to romantic love, I think it’s a good month to celebrate relationships of all stripes. Friends, family, colleagues, and yes, also lovers.
As you reflect, what do you see in your January that you can bring through into the relationships focus of February? Can you set an intention?
My take-away from January’s gentle shifts, so often linked to the kind outreach of others, is to continue finding ways to reach out myself— to strangers, old friends, new friends, neighbors and beyond.
I’ll be creative about putting this into practice, too.
For instance, I’ve noticed a car on my block has a temporary resident permit in their windshield, so I’m going to leave them a note saying that I’m new here too, if they’d like to meet a neighbor.
If your January experiences with relationships were hard, then at least bring this one thing with you into February: your hurting heart means you’re very much alive and human.
Frustration and pain are a natural part of your experience too. They are an equally valuable opportunity to learn, if less fun. And, we cannot have the full range of human experience without allowing both sides of the spectrum.
So be gentle with yourself at hard times, remembering one of my favorite quotes from a friend, “at least when it hurts you know you have a heart, and you’re fully alive.”
xo,
Marisol