Don't Forget to Celebrate

Even in the hard times

For me, starting this newsletter should be something to celebrate. It’s the beginning of something new, a little scary, very exciting, and personally meaningful. It’s a work in progress I look forward to carrying forward. And I finally went live with it.

But over the last few days, a dispute has come up between my condo building board and the tenant renting my condo from me, and I’m stuck in the middle, playing go-between.

So, rather than taking a moment to breathe after going live with The Messy Human, or popping some champagne with friends, or even taking a walk outside before a huge winter storm hit, I’ve worked on fixing my new problem.

Typical for me. I forget to celebrate my wins.

My New England roots come with a long-standing tradition that hard work and productivity are expected and hardly celebration worthy. Celebrating something you merely started, that’s still in its infancy? Insert scoffing noise here.

But psychology research has some pretty solid evidence that celebrating is valuable.

Celebrations reduce stress and increase relaxation, enhance positive emotions, promote gratitude (and all its mental health benefits), and foster social connection. Not surprisingly, we should do more of it.

But what about in my situation?

I’m mid-blizzard as I write this, and nobody is going anywhere tonight. I am still dealing with the condo problem and believe me, it’s a source of anxiety. So, should I wait to celebrate till I can see friends after the snow has cleared, and after the condo issue is resolved? Or should I prioritize celebrating today, even on my own?

The answer, according to science, is yes!

I should do both.

Celebrating alone can be a time to reflect on our achievements and acknowledge our efforts and accomplishments (considered by psychologists to be a practice of self-compassion). Celebrating alone is also an opportunity to prioritize ourselves and engage in a little stress relieving self-care. If we come at it with a sense of creativity and self-expression, it’s even better for our mental health.

It’s also worth noting that Buddhists tend to celebrate accomplishments by reflecting on the inner qualities they have developed through their efforts, such as greater compassion, patience, or mindfulness. This is typically an internal-only celebration, and can take the form of gratitude and appreciation for the progress that has been made.

So whether we’re listening to psychology research or more ancient wisdom, it seems that solo celebrations are quite impactful, and through them we can boost our sense of well-being, reduce stress, and enhance our mindset. Seems like I shouldn’t wait till later, huh?

Now how might one (ahem, me), get after it alone?

Here are a few ideas that felt celebratory and special enough to mark an accomplishment. I’ll pick one or three and get my celebration on!

1. Cook a special meal or drink a favorite drink

2. Play with the new painting app on my iPad

3. Talk on the phone with a friend

4. Get snuggled up and watch the kind of TV show that feels like a reward

5. Give myself a mani-pedi

6. Do some yoga or have a solo dance party

7. Light a candle

8. Take a bath

9. Come up with a random act of kindness I can do for someone from afar

10. Find a charity and give a small amount under The Messy Human name

11. Reflect on my efforts and accomplishments and journal about them

12. Write a thank you note to myself for sticking with my plans

13. Identify some of the ways working on The Messy Human has fostered my personal growth and development thus far

Care to join me?

Perhaps you have something to celebrate today. Actually, I challenge you to find something - big or small - and give yourself a boost.

It’s worth taking the time to acknowledge and reflect on your achievements, and to offer up a fitting reward for the good work you’ve done.

After all, we’re not here just to work, produce, and plow ahead.

We’re here to be alive. We’re here to express who we are the to max.

We’re here to give our personal gifts to the world. And we’re here to witness our own experience in mindful and compassionate ways.

Baked into that, there’s a lot of reasons to celebrate ourselves and our accomplishments, even when there’s hard stuff going on too.

So join me in celebrating your efforts, just as I celebrate mine.

As the snow flies outside, I’ll snuggle up in PJ’s, Hop Water in hand, and watch an episode of my current guilty-pleasure TV (Jane the Virgin, season 2). When I’m nice and relaxed, I’ll do a quiet moment of gratitude for going live with this newsletter and a spot of journaling afterwards to record what I’ve learned and how I feel. Someone, somewhere, will probably get a random little boost from me too.

This small celebration feels like a nice balance between reward, reflection, and kindness.

Perhaps you have a favorite hobby, meal, small indulgence, reward or treat that feels like a celebration? A gratitude practice, a moment to journal, or someone who could use an extension of your boost?

Tonight I challenge you to give yourself the gift of a reward for what you’ve done and to take the time to reflect on and be proud of what you’ve achieved. And if you’re inspired, maybe even spread the love.

With big cheers and small celebrations,

-Marisol

My references re: the psychological benefits of celebration.

Fredrickson, B. L. (2003). The value of positive emotions: The emerging science of positive psychology is coming to understand why it's good to feel good. American Scientist, 91(4), 330-335.

Kaufman, J. C., & Beghetto, R. A. (2009). Beyond big and little: The four c model of creativity. Review of General Psychology, 13(1), 1-12.

Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111-131.

McEwen, K. E., Gaffney, A. M., Gentry, J. E., & Maslach, C. (2016). Why self-care matters and practicing it is essential for well-being. The California Well-Being Project.

Neff, K. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12.

Neff, K. D., & Vonk, R. (2009). Self-compassion versus global self-esteem: Two different ways of relating to oneself. Journal of Personality, 77(1), 23-50.

Park, C. L., Armeli, S., & Tennen, H. (2010). The daily stress and coping process and alcohol use among college students. Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs, 71(1), 126-135.

Wood, A. M., Froh, J. J., & Geraghty, A. W. (2010). Gratitude and well-being: A review and theoretical integration. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 890-905.