Better than Resolutions, Fix-Me Lists, or Goals
Instead of making resolutions, commit to just one thing this New Years: your own gentle growth
Resolutions aren’t always good for you. Are yours?
The last night of 2023 is upon us, and for plenty of people, that means setting resolutions for the New Year, or any iterations there-of: goals, plans, project deadlines and beyond. But not me. About six or seven years ago, I realized that they just don’t work for me. And I allowed myself to “graduate” to something new.
If Resolutions Don’t Work, What Does?
Over the years, I’ve noticed that the more emphatically I set some sort of improvement or achievement based goal for myself, the more likely it is that I will hit a road block—and quickly. Given that about a quarter of people quit their New Years resolutions by the first week in January, and half by the end of the month, I’m not alone. There’s something about setting rigid goals and willing (aka forcing) your way forward, which doesn’t exactly lead to joyful execution.
I’ve discovered many other ways to make things happen and get stuff done instead, ways that work a lot better for me: things like leaning into activities that bring me joy. Or setting healthy, happy directions and intentions for myself but remaining flexible and curious about outcomes. Or looking for ways to re-energize when needed (e.g. finding play, connection, or rest) before getting back to “being productive.”
Let Go of Your “Fix-Me” List
As I’ve grown in my acceptance of the fact that resolutions aren’t going to do me much good, I’ve noticed that letting go of setting them has helped me let go of much self criticism too. Do I really need to tally up a list of my imperfections at the end of each year and then create a plan to “fix” myself? No! And neither does anyone else. Too often, however, that’s exactly what our lists of New Years resolutions are: fix-me lists.
Commit To Gentle Growth Instead
This New Years, I encourage you to do one thing, and one thing only: commit to your own gentle growth in 2024.
Accept all of who you are
Accept how you are
Accept your struggles and the odd things that bring you joy
Notice what you are drawn to, what you love, merely like, and what brings you pain
Notice what else you feel and ask why
Learn from all of these things as much as you can, and let these learnings guide you forward
Allow these learnings to guide your direction and intentions, and then remain flexible and curious about the final outcomes
I can promise this process will be generative for your life.
The steps may be hard at times, but taking them will move you forward more than trying to force yourself to run five times a week, lose twenty pounds, get a promotion, stop getting annoyed at your sibling, make a viral video, or whatever else might be on your list of self-improvements and outcomes that might prove something.
Go gently forward with self-compassion and care. Commit to allowing growth to happen from within, rather than forcing yourself to achieve or improve based on external goals.
I need this advice as much as anyone these days, so I’m going to be my first customer.
Journal for 10 Minutes
My journal prompt for myself and all of you: what would it look like to allow:
My joy to spark productive activity
My sense of wellbeing to guide me into what is good for me
My challenging feelings to guide me out of what isn’t working
And my heart to show me a bigger way forward?
Write for at least ten minutes and see how you feel. Do you like this approach?
Can you commit to this one thing for 2024: your own gentle, growth? If the answer is yes, finish your journaling with the following statement:
“In 2024, I commit to growing gently through self-acceptance, self-compassion, curiosity about my needs and feelings, play, connection, self-care and joyful action. I commit to my own gentle growth.”
With all my love,
Happy New Years!
Marisol